[2006] BIRKENHEAD SCHOOL

0040 Third-Form

With my move into the third form at Birkenhead School, at last I was in main school and on the main school campus.  Even so we were in old buildings, albeit that they had been modernised as classrooms.  This didn't worry us, because it was the standard of teaching -- even we recognised that -- which really mattered.  Needless to say we had the best teachers in the area.  This was partly because, being a public school, the conditions and pay of the teachers was better. Above all, though, it was the best school in the district and that by itself attracted the best teachers.

Once more, in the third form, we were split into streams by ability; and once more of in terms of languages.  The lower level were called 'Mod', and they did French, the middle level were 'Mid', and they did French and Latin; it has to be remembered that the school focus was on Oxford and Cambridge entry, and in those days Latin was essential for these universities!  The higher level -- where I was -- was called 'Lang' and also did French and Latin; but added German or Greek.  I chose German. The streaming was in theory meant to allow people to switch backwards and forwards between the various streams, but I can't ever remember this happening.  Once you were allocated to a stream that was yours, for the whole of your life within the school. I guess much the same was true in those days of grammar schools, except that Latin was largely unknown in their case. Even though they were creaming off the best pupils, they had enough difficulty getting a minority of these to any university that they simply could not even consider Oxbridge; which was largely the province of the public schools.

When we moved up into the Third Form we were allocated to ‘houses’.  Birkenhead School, like most public schools, still split its pupils up, into ‘houses’. The idea was to give us the necessary competitive spirit.  In the public boarding schools the ‘house’ was, of course, where they lived and where their dormitories were.  In our case we were essentially a day school and had very few boarders, and they were in School-House. Even then they had to have some day boys to bring the numbers up to a reasonable level.  The other houses were Sloman’s, Davis’s, Bushell’s, and Griffin’s.  I was in Pearse’s, but had not an inkling who it was named after. It was just a fact of school life.

Each house had, though, developed its own character, surprisingly considering we were day boys.  Schoolhouse was something of a yob's paradise, but they were supposed to be best at sports.  Unlike the traditional boarding schools, we all pitied the boarders, since we saw them as people who essentially were orphans  - without parents – though, as some of them were sons of sheikhs, perhaps that was a tad less than true.  Pearse’s, my house, had a reputation for being rather academic. We always got the best academic results.

The basic idea was that we competed against each other in all things from academic to sports, and earned points for all the various things we did. This competition was supposed to be the driver which would make us successful in our later lives. I suppose it did, though whether we were to be happier was another matter!

The subjects continued much as before, though our science had now split into physics, maths and chemistry/biology.  We were, in a very general sense, starting to study for the O-levels.  The new subject was German, which I didn't like. Indeed, I didn't really like any of the three languages.  On the other hand I wasn't too bad at it, and came second in the exam.  This was much to my surprise and when the master said "I was surprised that you came second", I replied "Not half as much as me!", which raised a laugh in the rest of the form but didn't impress the master!  Later, my school report was to say that "He will have to choose whether he is going to be a scholar or a clown!" This was perhaps a handicap which followed me through my life.

Our play at lunchtime, though being northerners we called it dinnertime, was much the same as it had been. We played tic, and hide and seek. There were also fads, such as marbles, and at the appropriate time of the year we vigorously attacked each other’s conkers. There was one exciting fad I remember. It was form of tic whereby, as each person was caught, they joined hands until a long chain of boys eventually built up. Ultimately there could be as many as 30 boys in this chain, racing across the quad – the dusty yard at the centre of the school – with those on the ends being flung around a high speed. We were lucky that nobody got injured, but the danger was always the spur in the most exciting games!

I suppose I also moved into the scouts at that stage, being in the cubs previously.  I can't really remember much about this except wandering around in a scout uniform, and I guess in taking some badges.  I vaguely remember going out for the day in some woods nearby and trying to cook flapjacks over open fires.  Although I'm a reasonable cook now, I wasn't then, and it was a disaster!  I also remember a school open day, sitting on the wall by the scout hut and combining my two new subjects, scouts and German, with my friends - by watching the girls go by and giving the ones with pleasant breasts 'zwei puncte' - two marks or two points.  We all thought this was hilarious. I hope the girls didn't realise what we were saying. 

It was also the year of the Coronation and the school, always ready to make money from any cause, put on an Elizabethan Fayre.  The whole school was transformed.  In particular I remember them turning the rifle range into an outdoor theatre, where they put on "Gamma Gurton's Needle" -- though I never saw it.  I, for my sins, was in the school choir -- designated the Chapel Royal -- and we had to take part in the royal procession behind Queen Elizabeth. We were all in beautiful red and yellow livery, which my mother had to spend hours making!

I also sang in the choir for that Sunday’s service.  That was, however, only the only time I actually was in the choir, since I lived too far from the school to be a permanent member of it.

It was a successful event, and all local manufacturers were there.  I remember going into one tent and seeing, for the first time, whole slabs of tomato soup frozen in a deep-freeze – something I marvelled at, since I'd never seen this before. In those days, freezers – along with most examples of modern domestic equipment -  were simply not available for the home environment.

The coronation itself made a considerable impact on me.  It was supposed to be a new age; the New Elizabethan Age – harking back to the first Queen Elizabeth – and we were all loyal subjects. I decorated the house with bunting everywhere and we all watched the ceremony on television.  We had bought the television the previous year, thanks to my badgering my parents - insisting that everyone else in the school had them (though this turned out not to be true).  Even so, for the Coronation, all the people around - who'd been very sniffy at the idea of our having television - managed to come and watch it. My poor mother was forced to spend most of her time cutting sandwiches to keep them fed rather than watching the Coronation itself. 

The Coronation, as a televisual event, was dramatic.  It was the first time that such a large-scale outside broadcast had taken place.  We sat there for hours transfixed by what was going on.  As I have said, we were all new Elizabethans and we thought it was very important that we were loyal to the Crown.  How things can change!

When it had finished I went across to the village hall for the children's party, which was essentially a party meal. I had convinced myself that I would get a coronation coach as a present, since many children were receiving these, but all I got was a propelling pencil!

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