FUTURES RESEARCH

9035 - HALLELUJAH - 1998

I joined for all the usual reasons. I guess you will say that they were all the wrong reasons, but they seemed right at the time. My life was unexciting, indeed it was boring, deadly boring! I was too old to rave and too young to resign myself to withdrawal from the world. Maybe I should have become a monk instead, but even then that seemed too extreme. I had no partner at the time and, indeed, my last two partners had proved very damaging to my increasingly frail ego. In fact I even lacked any real friends. Acquaintances, I had lots. Not least, there were those with whom I worked, and exchanged the usual civilities during the day. But there was nobody with whom I could share even the mildest of confidences. I suppose I could have spent my lonely evenings glued to my terminal, as so many others now did. There were many contacts on the web with whom I had, to be true, been talking for years - and who even professed themselves to be my friends. But you can't hug someone through the web, or cry on their shoulder. It is a very cold medium, as emotionally cold as the vacuum of space. I suppose that is a good analogy, for I really felt there was a cold vacuum inside of me - with not a single trace of entity.

And, I lived in a moral wilderness. I had all the freedom I wanted, but nothing to spend it on. My life was truly meaningless. I lived by rote, following a routine for every part of my life - and resenting every bit of it. I got up in the morning, almost always after a listless sleep, washed and dressed, doing just as much as was necessary to preserve the social niceties, and went off to work. There I spent my time approving credit against bank loans, knowing full well that the computers - whose judgement I was supposed to check - probably were much better at the job than me. I wonder if they despised me as much as I despised myself! Then to my lonely evenings, in my small apartment; with my entertainment channels, and their soap family substitutes, and my web contact, with their simulated friendship; and thence to my lonely bed, and on to the next daily rote. If I sound discontented with my lot at that time, believe me I was! It was not just soul-destroying, it had already destroyed my soul. I walked blindly through utter desolation. I really was totally, utterly pissed off with my existence.

It was a pleasant change, therefore, when my evening's dull routine was interrupted by an alien call. As I have already indicated, it wasn't as if calls were unexpected. There was always a stream of them. These days nobody could avoid them. If nothing else the junk-mailers found you. With years of experience under their belts, they were good at their job. So you actually found yourself reading the junk, believing for a time that their claim to have met you before was true - and only recognising that you had been duped when their oily messages oozed out from under their cover story. I never could understand how they could sell their dupes anything once they realised what was happening. But I had invested in a good set of intercept agents who protected me from such time-wasters. Even so, the genuinely personal messages which did get through were still totally predictable: 'How are you James?', 'How did you enjoy the opera last week?', ' I have just spent the weekend skiing in Canada', 'I'm just off to Patagonia on a cultural exchange…' All were said in a single stream, seemingly without pausing for breath. They were all much the same, and I suppose my answers were just as predictable. Perhaps they too were computer generated video-streams, as were those of the junk-mailers; I didn't know, and I didn't care! But this call was different. An attractive female of around my own age appeared on the vidscreen in front of me. She was sitting in an apartment which was very much like my own. So far this could have been junk, their computers matched such details to those about yourself which they had hauled out of the databases. But this really was different. Indeed, her very obvious confusion seemed to stop her making any sense for a while - and somewhat unnerved me too! "Where is Helga?" The question, which finally emerged from her lips, was just as puzzling. "Who is Helga?" The only reply I could think of tumbled out before I could stop it. As soon as I had said it I realised just how unhelpful it probably was. "You are sitting in her apartment, so you must know!" Her response showed just how impossible the conversation was becoming. There was no way she could ever have been generated by a computer! Had she overdosed on mood-enhancers? But then her autobut would never have agreed to open the vidlink. Machines they may be, but they are incredibly protective of their mistresses, and especially of their failings. Was she deranged enough to have bypassed the autobut? Then again, you can't fool all the systems - and they would have sent for a medcar immediately, and within minutes she would have been sedated for her own good. In a few seconds I ran the gamut of other possibilities through my mind. None of them was likely. So, I determined to confront the issue head on.

"I am James Nolan and this is my apartment, and I have lived in it alone for the past two years." "But I asked for Helga, and my autobut has never let me down before." At that moment we both realised the truth. No matter how unlikely it seemed, something had gone wrong with the systems. It was, indeed, unlikely. The systems were duplicated, triplicated to avoid any errors; they never went wrong. Yet, when all other possibilities were ruled out the impossible had to be considered! It was inconceivable that the wrong connection had been made, but that was clearly what had happened!

In our present state it is as difficult to persuade a man that ENTITY exists, as to teach him to fully use even a part of it, as it is to teach a blind man to see.

 It was such an unlikely coincidence that we continued to talk about it; for much longer than the slender topic deserved. What had happened, however, was the answer to my prayers; a genuinely new happening which delightfully upset my boringly predictable routine. As the conversation progressed and developed, and we started to talk about the rest of our lives rather than the fragility of the technology which had brought us together, I began to suspect that her own life was as incomplete as my own; and in much the same way. It should have depressed me even further, but I found myself strangely cheered by the discovery. I will not bore you with the details of the rest of that conversation, what sounds endearingly intimate when it emerges spontaneously from the lips of the person opposite you - even if they are only an electronic shadow on the vidwall - usually sounds trite when put down in words. Suffice it to say that we found that we were, indeed, remarkably alike. I had been correct in assuming that she was the same age as myself, but she also had much the same background and even had many of the same interests. Fate, perhaps even entity, had surely smiled on us; and for the first time in years I began to feel the future could be brighter.

It is futile to try and define ENTITY in terms of the crude tags that we apply to the limited stimuli arising from our visualized local environment. ENTITY permeates the entire space of the universe throughout all time. It is all enveloping as the air we breathe, or the water fish swim in; and as essential to the quality of life.. 

Over the next few weeks Hanna - for that turned out to be the name of my mystery caller - and I talked to each other with increasing regularity. Of course, we still met on our vidwalls; and we could have been at opposite ends of the planet, but we soon found out that we only lived a few miles apart. Even so, we continued to converse electronically. Like most people, we felt much more comfortable talking with strangers in this way. You could still remain in total control of their penetration of your private spaces, no danger of actually touching or being touched, and at the extreme you could hit the emergency off and wipe them out of your life. In any case, it was so much easier than going outside - in the wind and rain - to physically travel to meet them. Indeed, vidwalls were so realistic that, after just a few minutes, you forgot you weren't in the same room. In this way, we talked for hours and hours, about every subject under the sun; and, in particular, we gradually explored ever more intimate details of each other's lives. Almost imperceptibly we moved from being complete strangers to being intimate friends. Even so, I never considered the possibility of meeting face to face - and I saw no evidence that she did either. To put it bluntly, my recent partners had so put me off any form of physical contact, let alone sex, that I was grateful for the distance the electronics created between us. Many of my more casual friends happily engaged in sexual activities, often of the most lurid kind and even when I was in the same room. They did this at the drop of a hat - if anyone ever did wear a hat these days, perhaps at the rip of Velcro would be more relevant!  Yet I had become almost celibate; and enjoyed it. I now found any kind of physical contact unwelcome, so this relationship was exactly what I wanted.

The ability to transmit emotions makes ENTITY an essential part of the links that bind us together. Our emotions are continuously conveyed by it and form the major element in our communications with other people.

Even so, one day she broached the subject of our meeting - albeit in the most delicate manner. A club she had recently joined was having a small get-together, drinks and canapés, and would I like along to it with her. I was taken aback. Even though to others it might have seemed the obvious next step I had not prepared myself for the idea. Consequently, with my mind whirling, I found myself asking for time to consider the proposition, and feeling - as soon as the vidwall shut down - quite ridiculous. That made my dilemma much worse. Had I just said yes, as anyone else would have done and as I really wanted to do, the whole process would have followed its natural course. Now, having raised it as an issue which required a deliberate decision on my part, I had set myself the embarrassing task of going back with an answer which, if it was yes - as I knew it really must be, raised our relationship to a much higher level of commitment! I spent a horribly sleepless night, tossing and turning far worse than even before, turning over in my mind the pros and cons of actually meeting her face to face. It assumed the dimensions of an insoluble problem, What if she had used a computer cosmetic to enhance what I saw on the vidwall? What if she had used one on my own image, some women fantasised in that way, and I disappointed her? I would be going almost naked into the meeting. But in my heart, what a quaint old-fashioned phrase but it encompassed the emotional turmoil which beset me, that I desperately wanted to win her friendship - and perhaps more. Yet, I had not so long ago been badly burned by another such relationship, and the pain of that still lingered. I had no wish to repeat that experience.

I took my full quota of confidence pills before I called her. I will not describe the conversation for, even so, I found it painfully embarrassing, but the outcome was that we would meet. Thus it was that I took a robocab to the house where the half dozen of us would be meeting. As etiquette, and common-sense, demanded I had previously introduced myself to them through our mutual vidwall interfaces; and, of course, I had conducted the usual security searches on their datafiles. Everything seemed in order. They were ordinary people like myself, whose common link was only the shared social organisation which was bringing us together. Almost as soon as the robocab had stopped the door of the small house was flung open, and the hostess was there to greet me and shepherd me into the living room where my new friends-to-be were waiting. I suspect she was as nervous as myself, but she undertook the task bravely and I was not allowed any hesitation before I found myself in the midst of that assembled company.

For a while I discretely circulated, focusing on no particular person, but soon the inevitable happened - and I found myself with Hanna hidden away in a corner. We talked endlessly, as if we have never talked to anyone in our lives; only interrupted by the necessity of taking the host's offerings of obviously fine wine and the elegantly small morsels of food prepared by the hostess. It was just as inevitable, despite our almost painful shyness, that before the end of the evening we were holding hands and gazing fondly into each other's eyes. The world around us no longer existed. So why does it now sound so naively mawkish in print when it seemed so wonderful at the time? I regret that I can no longer remember what was said during that conversation, but I am still moved by the memory of those hazel brown eyes and the soft touch of those slender fingers. It was a wonderful start to an enduring friendship, for - over the next few months - we continued to meet under the cover of being members of the social group. Even then we never met by ourselves, just the two of us, but always as one of the group in someone else's house or apartment. But, I suppose, that was not unusual - at a time when women's organisations had effectively enforced such a taboo on single women in our social category. It stopped them being taken advantage of, which on the rebound from the excesses of earlier times was the intention, but it also stopped everything else, which was not the intention. Indeed, I suppose it was in tune with the wider taboos on invasion of anyone's privacy - regardless of gender.

The messages that ENTITY conveys are so faint that they are easily swamped by the physical senses.  But, in the longer term they shape a man's life; as the drops of water eventually wear down a mountain.

The group meetings gradually changed in character, as they included more and more discussions of a philosophical nature; the problems of modern values, of modern relationships, even the meaning of life itself. Hanna and I were still immersed in each other's company, so we barely noticed; but, even when we did understand the nature of the debates, we found them interesting and amusing rather than uplifting. Such debates were inevitable in any case, given the membership of the group, which was why we were there in the first place. Youngsters and oldies, the one thing we had in common was that we were deep-thinkers - which offered a pleasant change from the superficial trivialities of the rest of our lives.

Man is a free being, whose duty it is to enlarge the boundaries of human experience and knowledge. Shooting the rapids of your time is an exhilarating experience.

We got on especially well with the couple, Tom and Anne, who had been our original hosts. So it seemed natural to accept their invitation to attend a meeting of another group. This time it was more overtly quasi-religious in nature, but we had enjoyed the philosophical discussions at the other group; and this looked to offer very much the same. Tom and Anne made something of a joke of the invitations - religion was almost a taboo subject amongst our peers - but we could see that they wanted to attend the meeting. What harm could there be? So we happily went to our first meeting of the Circle of Friends.

Once more, the meeting proved to be more of a philosophical discussion group that a 'church'; at least, that is, in the only sense I had previously experienced formal religion - when visiting old catholic basilicas, to see the art they contained rather than to join in the ceremonies they hosted. Even so, we were gradually drawn into the vision put forward by the leaders of the group. Participation in this required no great act of will, or submission of it, for the vision seemed at the same time eminently sensible and spiritually uplifting. Indeed, we soon realized that it went further - much further - to add the moral dimension, and, we can now admit it, the religious dimension which had been missing in our lives; and which we now saw was the real object of our search. With that recognition came our commitment to the debate which was at the heart of this new group.

Engaged in this debate, the months passed by. We immersed ourselves ever deeper in these wonderful new ideas. As a result, we had less time for immersion each other, but that scarcely mattered where we already knew everything there was to know about each other. Thus it was that we each became more and more obsessed with this transfiguring vision. We still didn't visit each other's homes, but that mattered even less now. The vision was taking more and more of our time, and we were rarely at home any more. And even when we were at home we spent the time exploring the vast databases that the group had built, or calling each other to exchange crucial new ideas we had discovered on these.

We may not have worried much about our personal circumstances, but our new friends did. To help make our new lives easier, they suggested that we move into a new housing development they were building, for use by those more seriously involved in circle activities. We counted ourselves fortunate to be offered this chance, and - selling our two apartments - we moved into the new ones; which were conveniently next door to each other - with a connecting door. So, in this way, we could still maintain our privacy, when we wanted to, but share our lives to the full, when the opportunity arose; and it often did - the door was rarely closed! But the complex contained more than just apartments, it also housed sports and leisure facilities, and a very good restaurant; which we increasingly used, since it allowed us more time for our new found passion of the vision. Best of all, the meeting room was now just a few steps away.

The time seemed to fly by even faster, and we entered more and more into the other aspects of the circle's work; not least, leading group sessions for new members. It was a real joy to uplift not just our own spirits but also those of a whole new circle. To improve our effectiveness we studied harder and harder. That might sound a chore, but it too was a joy. Learning, when it really means something to you, can be as satisfying, and certainly as fulfilling, as any form of sex!

We had been in the circle just about a year when a member of the inner circle took me aside and asked if I would care to join that elite body. After my immediate reaction of elation, my more considered response was to ask about Hanna's position - we now shared every aspect of each other's lives, much as we shared them with the outer circle. I was relieved to learn that, if I chose to join myself, my first responsibility would be that of recruiting her to it. Even though I was reassured in this way about the impact on my private life, I was still somewhat apprehensive. If you had been with the circle for any time at all you recognized who were the members of that inner circle. They were, as you might expect, those who were the most senior - who had the gravitas which accompanies any position of responsibility in an organization - but they also displayed a form of serenity, which was almost unearthly. In addition, though, there was an air of mystery about them. Not least, we didn't know what they did! The rest of us were always engaged in a round of public activities, but they often disappeared - seemingly from the face of the earth - to attend what arcane ceremonies we knew not. But, then, such an air of mystery only served to whet my appetite even more. Indoctrination into the central mysteries of any society has always been a very mystical experience.

The ultimate empire of man is the universe, and what stands beyond.  It stretches from the furthest reaches of outer space to the greatest depths of the inner mind.

The event itself started in a rather down-key mode. My friends led me to a part of the complex I had not visited before. On the way we put on simple monk's robes. Maybe, I mused, these were of some religious import; but they were scarcely evidence of a messianic vision. The 'great hall', when we reached it, was impressive in terms of size - for a small community of our size - having perhaps a diameter of twenty metres or so, and a domed ceiling almost as high. It was, though, disappointingly plain; until, that was,  the room was suddenly darkened. In the pitch black which ensued, all I could hear was the steady rhythm of our breathing; almost hypnotically in unison. That darkness seemed to last forever, but, as suddenly as it went, light returned.

After the dark, the light seemed almost blinding. The most astounding aspect, however, was the source; and the form that this took. The simple dome had become a dazzling display of light patterns, swirling back and forth; mesmerising me, as no doubt they were intended to do. Retreating into the distance and then surging towards me, I felt as if I was falling over a precipice. Sparkling in great whirling loops, they invaded my senses until I felt dizzy. Then rhythmic sounds, not quite music but not quite noise, slowly grew - to accompany the light patterns. Perhaps the end of the world would look like this. The frenzy eventually slowed down, and the lights - and sounds - seemed to converge on me; slowly squeezing me, caressing and hugging me. It felt almost as if I was in some gigantic womb. It was so relaxing, warm, and welcoming. At this point, to my surprise, even the plain robes we were wearing came alive with their own light; so we ourselves became a part of the patterns; and, as I rotated like a dervish, I too became part of the whole display.

Gradually our robe patterns dimmed as they converged with those on the dome itself and the lights changed, to this time to create the effect of a basilica. It was uncanny, I knew that it was just a myriad of individual light elements set two dimensionally in a dome, but the whole room took on the full three-dimensional appearance of vast church. It was so real that, within a few minutes, I forgot I was not in such a place. I cannot remember what was then said, for here it was the room itself which was the star. Even when we eventually retreated to one of the side chambers, to toast our new formal relationship, the walls there responded in the same way; starting as a mediaeval refectory, but soon shifting to a sunlit terrace with gardens stretching into the distance. To say that I was impressed would be one of the understatements of the century - and that must have been exactly what the designers had intended!

In essence ENTITY is a record of all events observed by sentient beings. The event is not recorded as a result of taking place, but by being observed.

I brought Hanna through the same process the following night; even though I was not yet sure what the 'process' was. As a 'fellow', which I then had become, I was just as dazzled by it. Over the next weeks and months, however, we both spent many long hours learning just what it was we had committed ourselves to. In truth, for much of the time the learning seemed only to expand our horizons, almost as if to introduce us to the whole world of learning. From art through to technology, sociology to drama, every subject seemed suitable fodder for our education. I eventually began to suspect that, even so, it was, in fact, subtly tailored for our unique needs. Indeed, as I later learned, by our responses to it we were actually tailoring it ourselves! Mostly it took place in a study-centre comprising a suite of rooms equipped with smaller versions of the technology which had so impressed us during our induction. To say that we were often fully immersed in our learning does little justice to the effects which this technology could create. We also used more traditional workstations, with ordinary vidwalls, but it was those total experience rooms which drew us - and our fellow students - for the experiences there were so much richer and more memorable. We soon learned to use the skull caps, with hundreds of sensors woven into them, which detected our brain waves and allowed us to control our environment with a speed which would have been impossible with mere physical responses. Thus, we soared, literally free as birds, through the world of learning.

As a child we open our minds, and accept all that we experience.  We believe equally in fairies and Father Christmas.  Our view of all life is fresh and appealing.  But, as we mature, we develop not just our mind; but also our dogma, our prejudices, our likes and dislikes.  We no longer can see clearly, but see the world through a stained glass window which obscures the truth, and prevents us from experiencing the true landscape of life. To appreciate ENTITY, therefore, we must first begin a painful process; to return to our childhood, to peel off the layers of sophistication we so proudly wear.

Despite the time demanded by this education, we carried on the rest of our lives as normal. To the outside world we looked no different. Only we knew the dramatic changes that were taking place. I suppose the physical structure of our new homes offered some sort of metaphor. On the surface we lived in two separate apartments; in a luxurious complex, which contained everything our lives might need - as in any ideal life -and we had our private door sharing access between us - as in any happy marriage. But this is where the metaphor deviates from the usual. Hidden from site, from the outside world but also from many of the other inhabitants of the complex, literally under the surface there was a veritable warren of secret tunnels and rooms. Down there were not just the temple complex, and the educational facilities, but offices and even some warehouses. To complete the secrecy, we even had entrances from our own apartments into this secret world, so that nobody could observe our coming and goings. Thus, whenever the mood took us we could roam the warren, taking part in whatever covert activity attracted our attention.

As our time became increasingly committed to inner-circle activities we discretely gave up our previous jobs. We put ourselves heart and soul into the life of the community. We studied its beliefs, and we joined in its 'business' activities. Hanna joined its religious research department and I put my skills to work in managing its operations. Thus, our religion merged with the rest of our life, without any dividing line between the two, so that it became our whole life. We reveled in every aspect of it. Above all, we didn't just learn, we almost drowned in knowledge; gulping down copious draughts of it every day.

Develop an independence of mind, a purity of spirit.  Be your own master. In the mundane events that make up your daily round listen for the small voice from within. The voice that emerges from the background noise is that of common sense and reason; of ENTITY.

Thus, in our dream-like state of happiness, we might have continued until we expired from the joy of it all. And, indeed, Hanna is still immersed in the world of the inner circle. But I began to have gnawing doubts when - as part of my new responsibilities - I started to reorganise the recruitment activities, which were at the heart of the circle's work. It was only then that I realised that Hanna and I had not been brought together by happy accident. In reality we had been puppets in the hands of a very sophisticated recruitment machine. This process was initiated by the most sophisticated research, identifying 'susceptible' individuals - lost and lonely - as we had been. Then it matched them, far more efficiently than any marriage broker might have done. The good news, for the inner-circle - was that the machinery worked with exemplary effectiveness. There was no need to improve even one part of it. The business ran like the clockwork it was, and the outcomes were as sound as anyone might have wished; after all, Hanna and I had become deliriously happy in our shared lives.

The bad news, for me, was that this brought into question my own role in the community. My beliefs were unchallenged, my new religion was still my whole life. The message of my faith was still valid. My love for Hanna was also undiminished. What was damaged, perhaps fatally, was my uncritical commitment to the community. I had sought purity, and what I found was base corruption. Indeed, I found that much of the circle's work was concerned only with the manipulation of the individuals it ruled to gain the power needed to continue that rule. Our lives were happy, but they were not our own. The formal church, for that was what our supposedly informal circle really was, had become just another political power structure; determined to impose itself, and its values, on its citizens.

I buried myself in an ever more desperate search for a religious justification for this seeming blasphemy. I did not share my doubts with Hanna, and indeed she was fascinated by what she thought was my intellectually inspired voyage of discovery. But it was all to no avail. The church was becoming divorced from its beliefs; and it was clear that nothing I, or anyone else, could do would stop that drift. In fact, it was clear that it was driven in this way by its own members, who would now have it no other way. When I eventually did broach the subject with Hanna, she simply refused to discuss it - for her belief in the church, not just in the faith, was enough. It was the centre of her life, as it had been for me, and it was fast becoming the whole of it. Despite our love, even I no longer featured centrally in her considerations.

The church, as a channel of communication to ENTITY, is an imperfect instrument. It is better that the individual concentrates on establishing his own links.  Further, the tradition, and heritage, of the church are significant barriers to change, which is the very lifeblood of ENTITY. 

The members of that community, of the inner and outer circles, will now tell you that I was unduly affected by the tragedy of the resurrection group. This group was an offshoot, a splinter group; despite all the efforts of our own administration, some members did manage to break away and do their own thing. Unfortunately, this group went rather further than most, and took the resurrectionist aspects of our belief to their logical extremes; and indulged themselves in a mass suicide! Although there were just nine of them, where the parent church by then was numbered in its thousands, the tragedy had resulted in damaging headlines on the net; and had worried our own elders. They feared that, despite the great secrecy of our operations, someone might uncover the links to our own communities, and expose us. But the one fortunate aspect of the whole affair was that those secrets had gone with the resurrectionists to their graves. Thus it was, although they heaved a collective sigh of relief, nobody in our own community chose to learn any lessons from what had happened. I saw, however, that these few deaths were merely an extreme manifestation of the dark powers that were now stalking our own community.

Before I even took to the council the questions which I believed were raised by the events, I already knew what their answer would be. I would be initially castigated as a heretic, but then would be welcomed back into the bosom of the church. Remember, I now knew how their operations bureaucracy worked; I could even quote you the relevant page numbers of the manuals! Thus it was that, over the next weeks, I argued long and hard with their best scholars. It was all very civilized, as the rulebook said it should be. In any case, I think they really did love me as they said, and would have gladly forgiven any of my sins, for vestiges of the real belief still motivated them. But none of this could bring me back into the church.

Even more distressing was the consequent breakdown of my relationship with Hanna. She simply couldn't cope with my disloyalty, which she determinedly saw as true heresy. She visibly shuddered when I touched her. So it was that we drifted apart, separated by the very church that had brought us together. Even so, my break with the church was scarcely a sudden fracture. It was an avalanche of little things, slowly gathering momentum over the months; until, one day, the pressure was too much and I packed my bags - and walked out to a new life. That life has never been as happy, how could it be, but it has been my own.

With the strength of inner resolve you may still conquer all, to make your own personal compact with ENTITY; and the bond will be that much stronger for the struggle which has preceded it.

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