MISFORTUNE IN THE 1980s
9144 Sarah Grown-Up
I have already described how Sarah almost disappeared out of our lives when she became a teenager. When she went to university, like any other undergraduate she left our lives completely.
From what we heard, it seemed as if she spent the first year of the course in an alcoholic daze. This would have surprised us had we been told as much when she was coming up to her teens, but it fitted in with her rebellion later on
At university she eventually found a boyfriend, who was an extremely good catch. He was a very bright science undergraduate, and was quite presentable too -- which mattered to her.
As soon as she'd finished university, she moved away from us to live in digs in London, which was understandable since we were down in Basingstoke and she wanted -- and needed -- to work in London. She managed to get into the publishing industry, eventually as an art director. Ultimately she had a good job with Reed Publishing on one of their technical magazines.
Very soon after, she moved in with this boyfriend, Richard. Not so long after that they bought a flat in Brixton. This was soon after the Brixton riots but, with a substantial injection of public funds, Brixton had suddenly become a much more reasonable place. The flat was in a reasonable street, and in fact was a nicely modernized. Richard moved into a job in computer hardware design, and rapidly progressed within this. Incidentally, the reason they were able to buy the flat was that Sarah had saved the £12,000 my uncle Sid had left her - and used this for the deposit - where Miles had already frittered his away.
After several more years of cohabitation, at last Sarah became pregnant with her first son, and decided to get married to Richard. I think she expected us to pay for an elaborate wedding but, on the other hand, much as she was a modern miss I was modern father. I saw no particular reason why I should fund the cost of a white wedding when she had been living away from home for so long. On the other hand, we did give her the amount a modest wedding would have cost in cash instead -- which I believed would be much more useful to them. On the other hand, I suspect she long had a grudge against me for not giving her the white wedding she wanted.
Actually she had a very good wedding, marrying at the Chelsea registry office -- which was the fashionable place to be in those days -- and joined us and his parents for lunch at Claridge's.
Quite soon after this they moved down to the stock broker belt in Sussex. They bought a listed building, designed by one of the great turn of the 20th-century architects. It had been a small primary school, for a very small village, but it had been converted into two houses.
It was very nice, though the three-bedroom upstairs were small and had sloping ceilings. Even so, being in a very chi-chi setting, in a very upmarket stockbroker village, it was undoubtedly very expensive. It probably is now worth around a half million pounds
Sarah then had two more children - a daughter and another son – and another baby boy had just arrived. With these, though, she started to get very bad post-natal depression, which lasted for many months. I suspect this did major damage their marriage -- but in any case her husband was something of philanderer. Anyway, it was true that he did very well in his business career; by that time he was earning something like £80,000 a year -- and approaching £200,000 in bonuses some years.
Unfortunately, this was the point at which he disappeared off with another woman, one of his subordinates. Having made use of her for less than a year, he then set up with a Swedish woman who he eventually was going to marry. Even so the divorce went on for five years. It was a terrible burden on Sarah. Despite all this Sarah did not come home to us, even though I was prepared to buy the bungalow next-door -- which I thought would be an ideal arrangement. She insisted on staying down in Sussex so that the children could be close to Richard. She said she wanted them to have a father.
She is now happier, with a boyfriend and good job. But it was terrible period for her and we feared for her health. Even so, she still rarely deigns to see us - once a year perhaps – and seems to blame us for what happened.
I don't know why we have been abandoned by our children. Perhaps we have been bad parents. In her campaigns - as a new woman - to make sure she 'owned them', Pat told them often enough that I was a bad father. I suspect that this alienation is a feature of modern society. We brought the children up, as per Dr Spock, to be independent. Both their spouses, however, were brought up more traditionally - to value their parents - and this won out in their marriages. Both our children moved close to their in-laws; as their spouses demanded!
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