1970s PRIVATE LIFE
9191 Children's Friends at Molesey
These days parents are loath to let their children out of the house. Scare stories abound and parents expect their children to be run down by cars speeding through their roads or be picked up by paedophiles. I don't think the reality was much different in the days of our children's childhood. The real difference now is our expectations and attitudes. Then children went out for almost all day, and we scarcely knew where they were -- save that they were almost certainly with one of their small group of friends.
Sarah and her friends,
including Anthea
(and Karen Smith to the right)
Sarah made her first close friends at Hurst Park School. Of these, Anthea Bata went on to Tiffin Girls School with Sarah and also went to university. Thereafter, however, she bounced around a variety jobs, seeming to be able to settle down to a steady life - but this was perhaps typical of a growing group of the young.
The surprise was Sophie, at the time her closest friend, who was if anything brighter than Sarah. Her parents were bright as well -- or at least her father was; having been to Cambridge. Her mother was less academically distinguished, having been - I believe - an au pair. Maybe she was the greatest influence of Sophie's life. For, Sophie more or less gave up work in the sixth form and didn't go to university -- which was a great surprise to all of us.
Sarah was also friendly with the children of our best friends Moira and Derek Payne – but only because we saw so much of them. Both of the girls were very bright and, like Sarah were accepted as educationally gifted. The elder, also called Sarah, did very well until her A Levels; when she suddenly failed to achieve the results which would have allowed her to attend a good university. She later became an accountant. Her younger sister, Lizzie, was even featured on television as an example of an educationally gifted child. She did get to a good medical school, but then blew her first year. She got a second chance by transferring to a dental school, but again blew that. At the time she was going out with a Pakistani boy, and Moira – being a dyed in the wool conservative supporter - disapproved of him. More important, so did his Pakistani parents; and the relationship went nowhere. Lizzie eventually became a dental technician, working wonders with her hand, only to develop MS – which put paid to even that career.
Miles, perhaps typically for a boy, belonged to a sort of gang; lead by Andrew Donaldson, who was our friend Ian's son. Andrew set the rules and dominated the gang, and most of time the children met in his back garden - digging holes! I'm not certain that he was a good influence, since the stories of Miles I have been told since that time indicate that he to led them into smoking cigarettes and other dubious pursuits - but that was often the case with young boys even then. The other two hangers on were David Wiener, who went on to gain a PhD and to do research at Wood's Hole at San Diego in California. The clown of the group was a boy who had the habit of playing with matches and setting fire to things. He ended up in South Africa with an electric razor repair shop and -- much to our surprise - married to a black African woman.
The only friend who was not part of this gang was Reme. His family were Iranian, who had fled when the Shah was overthrown. Reme used to spend the summer in Los Angeles with his uncle, who owned the most exclusive store on Rodeo Drive!
Miles was also, always susceptible to being led by the near criminal element. Perhaps the worst example was where he made a new friend at Kingston grammar school and went across to his house in Kingston for the day. The friend took him to an abandoned motorbike in the park, and when he was sitting on it he was caught by the police. Miles had to accept a caution for the offence of taking and driving away (TDA). I objected strenuously, as I didn't believe the Miles was guilty, of anything other than a technical offence, but Pat took the easy way out.
Miles did have some better friends at Kingston Grammar School. However, as with all such things, these moved on. Perhaps almost obvious reason for the loss of one of these was that Miles attended his barmitzvah only -- having drunk too much illicit alcohol -- be violently sick over the meal table!
The other great friend, for a while, had a father who was anaesthetist -- and who looked after Miles when he chipped his pelvis on the black run at Esher ski run. He was quite well connected, and he and Miles and Sarah were one of the first children to take part in a quiz on Capital Radio -- the new commercial radio station.
At Tiffin, Sarah's great friend was a coloured girl, Linda, which I was pleased about. She, however, moved to Spain and married a Spaniard -- so Sarah rarely sees her. This nomadic – post graduation - existence has become a problem for all those who attend higher education and want to develop their careers at the same time as maintaining their friendships.
In her teens Sarah became -- like most other teenagers then and now -- almost impossible. In particular, she insisted on taking a Saturday job in Oxford Street; serving in a shoe shop. It was almost impossible to know what she was up to -- though I don't think she was any worse than any others of her age. She had a boyfriend who was the prettiest boy is available, and I'm certain she used him as a trophy to parade before the others in her year. I never investigated, but I suspect that not long after 16 she lost her virginity, because she certainly spent two weeks traveling around Europe with this boy; sharing a room. If I hadn’t been at the leading edge of the ‘decline’ in such moral standards myself, I might have said “How had the standards declined”!
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